So many
prescriptions for behavior come across as universalizable statements:
“I will never eat meat again” or “I will never have sex before
I am married” or “I will never drink again” can easily come
across as “You should also never do these things” or “Everyone
should never do these things.”
I begin this series,
“Personal Choices,” with this discussion because it is important
that my ethical choices are presented here as a self-reflection, not
as a declaration I am intending to say is right for anyone else.
The reasons I will
give for my choices are personal, made from years of my own
experience and expanding self-knowledge. I share them not to tell
you what to do, but, like the rest of this blog, to show how I think.
Part of my intention
with this series is to push back against the stereotypical way of
sharing ethical opinions. Our well-intentioned religious and moral
values too often come across as necessary for everyone. They are too
often thrust upon us by external figures to put us into our place or
to control actions. In my mind, any system of values that demands
adherence betrays a severe insecurity. A strong, organic ethics
should be able to tolerate dissension. Better yet, it should happily
embrace it!
I believe one should
beware an intolerance of others violating your own standards. You
will find that an intolerance of others says more about you and your
values than the other person, no matter how bad you think other's
crimes might be.
I personally dislike
objective morality because it fundamentally involves extrinsic
motivations. Like so many things, values really only become
consistent in my mind, if you make them your own or intrinsic. How much more
meaningful is it to be told not to do something under threat of
punishment versus not doing something because you have justified for
yourself why it is wrong? I obviously believe internal justification
is the true source of meaning for the individual.
I also believe every
person has the right to dictate their own actions and how they order
their own minds and bodies without the threat of violence/punishment.
That said, if such actions result in a harm to others- even a harm
that they did not recognize or do not see in the present- they must
take full responsibility for their own actions. So many people have
such an insecurity of their own value that they cannot bear to blamed
for something they do not accept they did.
I think it shows
someone of a high moral character to apologize for what they did by
accident, negligence, or in sheer ignorant blindness. Its easy to
apologize for things we agree we did wrong, but it takes a
distinguishing humility, respect for others, and empathy to apologize
for that we did not intend.
This distinction
underlies the importance of principles like social justice. Yes,
society has shaped the way we act and behave, allowing us to
participate in social violences, but we cannot blame such forces
alone in our own wrong doing. Somewhere along the line, we choose to
participate in behaviors that reinforced standards of power and were
careless in our thoughts and behaviors that set others and ourselves
up for failure- even if we did not realize it at the time.
Returning to the
general idea of Part 1, being told you will go to hell or are a
terrible person for having sex or drinking alcohol is an external
violence. The sad part, though, is these may be great ideas for an
individual who is told them based on their own individual life story
and unique personality. The problem is not the moral value in itself,
it is that the moral value is coerced onto the person rather than
presented for the person to accept or reject on their own.
I share my thoughts
on abstaining from certain behaviors as an alternative way of sharing
standards for behavior without intending my own choices to apply to
anyone else. If I was the only one who had these values, it should
not make a difference to anyone else, only, I hope, that my impact on the world is improved.
I present the
following ideas in this series for you to accept or reject, in part or in whole.
These are some of the questions I am asking. What questions are you asking?
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