Being an INFP Male

This was originally published on reddit.com/r/infp in response to Being a male INFP is difficult. I never get along with other men, and am often viewed as pathetic or wimpy. People have no respect for me because I'm not a woman.

I've experienced some of the same issues. It doesn't seem fair, but INFP males have to do more work to "prove" they are masculine to others. Now, obviously we can challenge gender stereotypes, what does "being a man mean" etc, and relieve the pressure that way, but that doesn't change the feeling of being different or feeling like you have to justify your gender with others who are more judgmental about gender identity.

Now, every challenge has its silver lining. In feeling challenged on masculinity, you have the opportunity to carefully and thoughtfully construct your own unique version of masculinity, and be more secure in it. I say opportunity, because the opposite and destructive response is to remain extremely insecure about it and then put yourself in an even worse position by feeling insufficient and ingenuine trying to live up to some invisible standard.

Anyways, for me, I just kind of accept many things about being an INFP male and then make my own way where that is not enough. All of my good friends are either gay men or women. I get along with straight men, but don't keep LT active friendships with them. In a way, this sets me up for a more stable feeling about myself because gay men and most women tend to have higher emotion intelligence and this satisfies my own need to relate on that level, whereas if I forced myself to only interact with straight men, then I would constantly feel different due to my rare INFP male identity type. I'm big into exploring what masculinity means and understanding we all individually have the power to define that. I definitely feel men with "feminine" strengths actually have the opportunity to be more complete or stronger men.

Finally, its important to remember as an INFP that our feelings are not the same as reality. I never forget that without opening my mouth, most other people extend the assumption to me that I am a man. So, I can't forget too that my appearance affords me a base level of masculinity due to other people's assumptions. With those more compliant to gender socialization, I am afforded greater respect, technical knowledge, physical strength, given the last word in social decisions, etc, without it even mattering what is on the inside. So I'd say its ok to kind of step back from your feelings of being pathetic and wimpy and question whether this is just emotional insecurity or actually what others think about you, for instance. Nobody knows you are an INFP just by looking at you.

Anyways, I experience similar issues sometimes but I go at it from several angles to diminish its impact on me. The biggest for me are just straight up accepting and being proud of my predispositions and character strengths and accepting facts about my relationship cricles etc. And then always remembering I am always a man to "society," while understanding feeling insecurity is a separate and deeper emotional-psychological issue that needs work outside of the "truth" of your masculinity.

Finally, INFPs are awesome! I wish our type had more cheerleaders. Like with many things for the INFPs, I guess we will have to be our own cheerleaders sometime! Being an INFP is just who I am, I can't change that so I'll focus on being proud of it! We have the opportunity to be really cool whatever-gender-we-present-as!